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Default bahahaha 40 Mistakes Men make During Sex

this shit is funny



1) NOT KISSING FIRST
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the
erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by
the hour and trying to get your money's worth by
cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is
the Ultimate form of foreplay.
2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this.
Well, there's a difference between being erotic and
blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles
on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.
3) NOT SHAVING
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your
chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's
face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to
side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.
4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for
ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke,
caress, and smooth them.
5) BITING HER NIPPLES
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then! clamp
down like they're trying to deflate her body via her
breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't
stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently.
Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending
they're a dogie toy isn't.
6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples
between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a
radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole
breasts, not just the exclamation points.
7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs:
Breast-ville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel.
There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored
far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown
Vagina. So start paying them some attention.
cool.gif GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can
result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're
going to be that aggressive, just ask her! to take the
damn things off.
9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore
it, you store it.
10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers
along side of the clitoris.
11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you
stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell
she's not
there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.
12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look
when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her
head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's
toy.
13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very
sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and
yanking it back and forth is not.
14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA
Although most men can find the clitoris without ma! ps,
they still believe that the vagina is where it's all
at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're
trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is
OK in principle, but if you're not careful, it can
hurt - so don't get carried away. It's best to pay
more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her
vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her
and see if she likes it.
15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing
massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips
are OK; elbows and knees are not.
16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at
least made some move toward getting your stuff off,
even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose
the socks first.
18) GOING TOO FAST
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the
worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial
power tool -she'll soon feel like an assembly-line
worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up
slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19) GOING TOO HARD
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her
thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of
horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you
see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a
backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.
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