Old 05-10-2011, 08:51 AM Offline   #1 (permalink)



 
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....





North Korea



"America - the land of the free..." - Yuck! Don't you just hate the fact that Americans are able to freely pursue their economic and personal dreams? Me too! Keep your silly human rights, freedoms, and Amnesty International away from me, World, I have some regulated and mandated factory work to do!

North Korea has the right idea. Give me a government that OPENLY monitors my daily activities like only a soft, fuzzy Communist dictator can do. I have nothing to hide, and I want my updated government record to reflect that! North Koreans can't openly express their opinions about the government and officials will detain anyone talking badly about the regime. Amen!

And when I say detain, I don't want it to sound like a bad thing. You basically get to vacation at one of the BEAUTIFUL labor camps in mountain valleys completely secluded from the rest of the world. Talk about getting some much needed R&R!!





Ladies, are you looking to shed some of that subborn post-baby weight or just trying to get ready for beach season? A few years at one of North Korea's fine Camp Resorts of Funness will have you ready for that bikini!!






And I'd be foolish to forget about the government control of the radio and television. You keep your stupid Comedy Central, History Channel, and HBO, America; I want Kim Jong to be praised accordingly and often. Further, keep your fashion and basic human living agendas away from me.. give me clothes made out of alcohol and limestone (Vinalon), not cotton and nylon, you Western pussies!

Throw in torture, public firing squad executions, degrading treatment, and absence of due process... what's not to like?! SIGN. ME. UP. !



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Old 05-10-2011, 08:51 AM Offline   #2 (permalink)



 
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...





(if you're a man)


Iran



Ahhhh, beautiful Islamic Repulic of Iran.. how I adore thee. What with your execution of minors and unequal treatment based on gender; just like the good ol' days.




Clip from The Stoning of Soraya M. - A film portraying the real-life stoning of an Iranian woman




Iran clearly shows how brave and daring it can be by going outside the laws of Islam to torture and kill thousands of political prisoners. And just to add icing to the cake, they film it! Like Middle Eastern Speilbergs, in my opinion, who deserve more shine.. two thumbs up from this critic

Iran imprisons demonstrators, executes protestors, and tries ingrates using coerced testimonies. If only stupid America could understand the value of this, criminals like Michael Moore and the South Park writers could be put away for good!


And don't let the liberal American media fool you with their tales of the female prisoners writing letters describing how they are kept in hallways with no beds, no washing facilities, given inadequate food and water, and beaten if they speak up. That's all hearsay and should be ignored. The 3 meals American prisoners get are 3 too many if you ask me!

Quick! Look! Local scenery!




What's not to like?!

I'll close this up quickly seeing that you're most likely packing and booking a flight to Tehran right now...

Like a place where a woman can be raped, yet executed for her sexual misconduct like Atefah Sahaaleh was? Me too....

Perhaps a country where the parents of an 11-year old girl who was raped and murdered had to come up with the money for the execution of the offender solely b/c a woman's life is considered half the worth of a man's? ME TOO!....

So grab your suncreen and mouth mask, b/c ever since Ahmadinejad has been in charge, the rights for humans has "has deteriorated markedly" and you don't wanna miss any of the action!
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Old 05-10-2011, 08:52 AM Offline   #3 (permalink)



 
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"Ain't no party like a Lib-ya party 'cuz a Lib-ya party don't stoppppp!"


Libya



The west-side really is the best side. Just look at The Great Socialist People's Libyan Arab Jamahiriya based in Tripoli! Muammar "Funky Fresh" al-Gaddafi has ruled over this side of Libya since '69, and the good times haven't stopped since.




The debonair and clear-headed leader of a gem of a vacation resort, Libya


Whether it's bombing commerical flights filled with innocents, ordering artillery strikes against Egypt who tried to sign a faggoty peace treaty, or broadcasting public dissident executions on state televisions, there really is something for everyone.

I hear you say, "but, but Sooner.. what about the hypocrisy of the original ideas of freedom, socialism, and unity that were promised during the creation of Gaddafi's regime?!" To this I say, you are now under surveillance by 1/5 of Libya's population who work for Gaddafi. And if you get caught openly back-talking the ideals of MC Gaddafi, enjoy your stay in prison or firing squad execution!

For you leisurers out there, there are endless opportunities to join one of the many paramilitaries or terrorist happy groups worldwide! And the so-called "brutal treatment to civilians" unfairly called out by the governments of Britain, Canada, Switzerland, the United States, Germany and Austrailia only cements the badassness of Gaddafi-led Libya!


And no one country has more chipper trials than Libya. Remember the HIV trial of medics thought to have infected babies with the HIV virus? Nevermind they were later released and the son of Gaddafi confessed that the medics were coerced by electric shock and threats to their families, the important thing to focus on is the fact the former Libyan justice minister said that Gaddafi and his government were directly responsible for the infection of the children. Libya really does keep the world on its toes, and I like it!


In closing, you really haven't lived until you've shot and killed a civilian. Take your unanimous vote for sanctions and travel bans, UN Human Rights Council, and shove it!





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Old 05-10-2011, 08:54 AM Offline   #4 (permalink)



 
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"Now you're in Chechnyaaaaaaa. Concrete jungle where dreams are maaaaade of! There's nothing you can't dooooo! Even being beheaded for having anal sex with your wife!!! - Jay-Z ft. Alicia Keys - Chechnya (Unstable Government 12" remix)


Chechnya




Ahhhh, nothing like the smell of 31 dead bodies after an airport bombing to get you up and going in the morning. And you could have had that kind of feeling 24 times in the past 11 years!

Welcome to Chechnya, the mountainous Eastern European country of the now dissoluted Soviet Union. Making the Freedom House's list of "most repressive countries" is not easy with such competitors as Burma, North Korea, and Tibet, but this absolute PEACH of a country managed it!

Speaking of awards, Grozny, the country's capital, was given the "most destroyed city on Earth" title by the United Nations. Why did Russia do that to Grozny? My guess is that Mother Russia is jealous of the power of the country lying in mafia hands.. or the high rape rates.. or b/c gangsters figured out the profitability in kidnapping Western foreigners and holding them for ransom.




Main Street Grozny - where you still have the freedom to smoke!



But what's a great country without a brave leader? After some clever ballot stuffing, voter intimidation, and the exclusion of seperatist votes, this man:




Akhmad Kadyrov

was voted into leadership. Sure, he and 12 others were later killed by a planted landmine at a public sporting event, but his grit was truely shown after his family's expulsion by that silly Stalin guy: he came back and took over!

An advocate of Nationalism, Kadyrov was once quoted as saying, “Russians outnumber Chechens in many times, thus every Chechen would need to kill 150 Russians.” Now that's a leader I can get behind!




"Nationalism is an infantile disease... It is the measles of mankind."

oh what the fuck do you know, Albert?


But back to the country's policies. According to Amnesty International, there actually is no real law in place! Torture, kidnapping, no accountability for your actions.. yes yes yes! You may call it unstable, I call it Spring Break Cancun.. year round!

America could learn a thing or two from Chechnya. America claims to be the most free country, but are you free to have a blonde from California openly chained to a load-bearing column in what used to be a soup kitchen? I didn't think so.....

Fuck off America..... Chechnya or bust!
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Old 05-10-2011, 08:56 AM Offline   #5 (permalink)



 
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Canada


"Canada is the only country in the world that knows how to live without an identity."

Marshall McLuhan, Canadian educator, philosopher and scholar


"Canada is the essence of not being.. Not English, not American.. it is the mathematic of not being. And a subtle flavour - we're more like celery as a flavour."

Mike Myers, Canadian actor



Move over, Vegas, there's a new excitement capital of the world.. Canada. Just don't stand too close to its fire, baby, you might get burned.

From hockey, to more hockey, Canadians relish in the quick pace and constant action that comes with living in a country with one of the lowest population densities in the world (somewhere above Iceland and the Western Sahara Desert).

About 80% of Canada's population lives within 93 miles of the U.S. border, which is entirely too close, in my opinion. Surely, Canadians would be happier if they lived further away from those arrogant bastards, but being that anything north of Edmonton is normally covered in ice, snow and permafrost, the good people have to suffer. Oh well, what can ya do aboot it, ya know?





A northern Canada metropolis




Affordable housing abounds in northern Canada. Suck on that, American mortgage crisis




In comparison with the other fine countries on this list, what Canada lacks in fanatical leadership and a brave ignorance of human rights, it more than makes up for in its dependence on other countries.

After becoming its actual own, self-governing country (Canada Act of 1982, roughly a century after America was regarded as a world superpower *yawn*), Canada can finally bow its chest out and announce itself on the world political stage (if it doesn't anger the Queen, that is.. or America.. and most definitely China and Japan.. and Russia, India, Germany, Italy, Saudi Arabia and even France). But past that, Canada can tell the rest of the world to lick its maple-flavored balls!





The Queen and Head of State of Canada, the brute leader, Elizabeth II



BUT...!

Simlar to the other countries listed, Canada enjoys very low ethnic diversity! While African Americans make up approximately 13% of the U.S. population, African Canadians only accout for 2.5%. There are 3 times more black people in the state of California alone than all of Canada! Further, there are actually more black people in America than there are Canadians as a whole. Fuck 'em... nahmsayin, eh?

(Of course a lot of that last statistic has to do with America's poplulation being 10 times more than Canada, but percentage-wise, Canada, climately and demographically, is just plain whiter)





A professional, non-hockey sports team in Canada.
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Old 05-10-2011, 12:24 PM Offline   #6 (permalink)



 
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no one is arguing its not a great country...

im arguing about the fact it won't be that way for long because people are becoming stupider and more reliant on government. shit as soon as we are born we are in debited to the government.


and i can pull out 1000s of fucked up stories about america too, babies getting taken from families, police tasering old women young children, rapists doing no time in prison while weed smokers get life, prisons itself are a business in america the more prisoners the more money they make and america has the most prisoners in the world a lot for non violent related crimes... tax payers paying bailouts for rich mans record salaries in a time of depression, etc.
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Old 05-11-2011, 09:49 AM Offline   #7 (permalink)



 
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Originally Posted by Triniboy_5 View Post
no one is arguing its not a great country...

im arguing about the fact it won't be that way for long because people are becoming stupider and more reliant on government. shit as soon as we are born we are in debited to the government.


and i can pull out 1000s of fucked up stories about america too, babies getting taken from families, police tasering old women young children, rapists doing no time in prison while weed smokers get life, prisons itself are a business in america the more prisoners the more money they make and america has the most prisoners in the world a lot for non violent related crimes... tax payers paying bailouts for rich mans record salaries in a time of depression, etc.

That's what I'm saying! Fuck America! It's doomed!

It definitely won't be a great country for long.. it's CLEAR that the economy of the US is failing.. I mean, you can see the obvious downward spiraling of America in these skyscrapers being constructed:




Beekman Tower, NYC - due completion 2011



Tower Verre, NYC - 2012



Chicago Spire, Chicago - 2012




Miaoplis - Miami



Devon Tower - Oklahoma City - 2012

The new One, Two, & Three World Trade Centers in NYC (|| World Trade Center || <---- amazing )


Nothing says financial collapse like new construction... just look how decrepit and poor those buildings look!

Perhaps I just don't feel the pinch as much as other Americans b/c I live in one of most recession-proof states in the US, and Forbes called OKC the most recession-proof city in America.

Regardless, America is done. I mean, look at our poor economy next to the rest of the world's:




^per GDP


That's just sad... roughly a quarter of the global economy.. it's amazing that we're even still a country, honestly



BTW.....


It's funny to hear someone talk about government reliance who lives in a country with publicly-funded, yet federally legislated healthcare but that's badass!! More, bigger government, I say.. I want a Senator sitting on my lap the next time I vote! (hopefully Barbara Boxer )


And if you give me stories, I'll raise you POLICY. If Osama had ordered the tasering of the old women, or Congress had passed the "Baby Taking Away Act", then you'd have a point. I will not concede that our government isn't better than the ones I'm listing based on individual acts of dumbassness or poor court judgements. Shit, if you GET a trial, you're doing better than you would be elsewhere.



Now if you'll excuse me, I have more satire to write....
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Old 05-12-2011, 05:38 AM Offline   #8 (permalink)



 
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This....thread....is.....amazing.
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Old 05-12-2011, 05:57 AM Offline   #9 (permalink)



 
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Originally Posted by Ron P View Post
This....thread....is.....amazing.
You wrote this?
 
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Old 05-12-2011, 11:46 AM Offline   #10 (permalink)



 
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lol

*waits for canada*
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