Old 05-15-2007, 07:47 AM Offline   #1 (permalink)



 
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Default 50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex

50 Mistakes Women Make When Having Sex

1. Assuming he can get a raging hard on when it suits
you. Contrary to popular belief, men can't just flip a
switch and get it up because you decided to stop being
a frigid bitch. Getting it hard is your job. I suggest
you figure it out.

2. Thinking that kissing needs to be this sweet
romantic thing all the time.

Sometimes pressing your lips against your partners
mouth while you get off is the hot. It depends on the
situation.

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know
what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your
own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.

4. Expecting him to cuddle. Men and women are wired
differently. Sex makes most women want to talk and
bond and all that ****. It makes men pass out.

It's a biological thing. Stop fighting it, and stop
holding it over his head, it's not his fault.

5. Expecting him to fall asleep with you in his arms.
That **** is uncomfortable after awhile. A little
snuggling isn't unreasonable, but when it's time to
actually sleep? An arm draped over you should suffice.

6. Expecting him to always lay on the charm and
romance. Sometimes, that's nice. Sometimes. But
expecting him to be all roses and candles all the time
is like expecting you to act like a pornstar all the
time. If you're not willing to do that, don't expect
him to switch for you.

7. Being selfish in bed. Regardless of the **** that
Cosmo forces down our throats, sex is NOT just about
us. Get over it.

8. Using random magazines as a sex bible. I dont know
who comes up with half that ****, but I'm pretty sure
they need counseling.

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock
instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing,
skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have
apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay
attention to the signals that he's sending you.

10. Not moving at all. Missionary is not an excuse to
do nothing.

11. Expecting him to undress himself with any amount
of grace. He's about to get some *****. Be glad he
bothered to take his pants all the way off. If it
concerns you so much, undress him yourself.

12. Not shaving your legs. Im pretty bad at this
myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you
better get out the razor.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes,
waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare.
Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have
sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But
for the love of Christ, trim that **** if you want him
to spend any time down there.

14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only
relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo
hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes
unless otherwise noted.

15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging.
He didn't do it.

Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's
hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.

16. Expecting him to figure out what you like by what
noise you make. Use your words. Have you ever actually
heard what you sound like while you're having sex? If
you heard yourself on tape, and someone asked you to
explain what was causing you to make that noise, 67%
of women would respond with answers like "I stubbed my
toe" "I ran up the steps" or "I was putting up
drywall".

17. Leaving condoms up to him. If you're sexually
active and insist that he uses a condom, I suggest
buying a box and keeping it by your bed. Not all men
keep them on them, and it's just as much your
responsibility as it is his. If you think that makes
you a slut, you shouldn't be having sex anyway.

Go back to Jr High.

18. Getting your undies in a bunch when he talks
dirty. A little fantasy can be fun. If he treats you
with respect all the time, you shouldn't be offended
when he calls you his dirty little slut. When he calls
you a whore and tells you to come, its his way of
showing that he cares if you get off.

Stop being a sissy.

19. Refusing to be spontaneous. I know this is
shocking, but sometimes sex OUTSIDE of the bedroom is
fun.

20. Dissing quickies because it's not some slow
sensual ordeal. Sex is a dynamic thing. Theres an
awesome raw energy when you only have 20 minutes but
having to have someone so bad that you do it half
clothed against the wall. Readjust your thinking.

21. Being too much of a ***** to tell him what is or
isn't acceptable before you start bumping uglies. Be
honest. If he asks if he can poke you in the butt, and
you giggle and say no like it's an invitation, don't
look surprised when he "accidentally" sticks his cock
in your butt.

22. Expecting him to undress you. I put a bra on
almost every day. I know for a fact that getting them
off isn't always easy. Help a brother out.

23. Undressing in the dark. If youre shy, dim the
lights, but give the man something to see. No ripping
off the clothes and diving under the covers, either.

24. Refusing to get on top. Theres no reason men
should have to do all the work.

25. Getting that bored look on your face. Men are more
visual than women.

Give him something to look at. Get on top and arch
your back a little bit.

Move. Do something to indicate that you 1) are not
dead and 2) didn't suffer a minor stroke rendering you
unable to move.
__________________
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Old 05-15-2007, 07:48 AM Offline   #2 (permalink)



 
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26. Expecting him to do all the touching when you're
riding him. It's your body, you're used to it. Play
with your tits, rub your clit, do something to make
his job easier.

27. Being too afraid to guide your partner's hand when
hes touching you.

Don't like the way he's doing it? Gently take his hand
and show him how you like it.

28. Getting into bed, getting naked, fooling around
and then deciding that you just want to cuddle, then
getting offended when he doesn't. Its your choice to
stop, but don't look all fucking surprised when he's
confused. You got him naked in your bed, what else did
you think was going to happen?

29. Refusing to let him take control. So your a
feminist. Big fucking deal.

Letting him call the shots doesn't make you any less
of one.

30. Refusing to take control. Its ok to crawl across a
bed to him on all fours, push him down and crawl on
top. It's not his responsibility to start things all
the time.

31. Forgetting that he has a body that likes to be
touched, too. Men have things like backs and shoulders
and stomachs and other parts that are fun to kiss and
touch. You miss a lot of good places by concentrating
solely on his penis.

32. Ignoring his balls. Seriously, they are there.
Kiss them, lick them, suck on them, make a
relationship with them, just don't ignore them.

33. Leaving him to his own devices. Nothing is worse
than a girl who gets you most of the way off and then
bolts because she doesn't want to deal with the mess.

34. Launching into some speech about not being an
object for sex when he tries to titty **** you. Jesus
Christ, just push them together and enjoy yourself.
You get a great view.

35. Expecting him to handle you like a porcelain doll.
I'd hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you're not
going to break, sister. So doing it against the wall
gives you a bruise on your shoulder. Look at it later
and giggle at the memory.

36. Refusing to try things in the name of "making
love". You're not making anything. You are naked. With
another person. Making strange faces and weird noises.
Stop romanticizing it.

37. Taking things way too seriously. Sex is funny.
Actually it's hilarious.

Somewhere along the line, someone is going to fall off
of a bed, hit their head on a lighting fixture,
accidentally kick a midget or trip over a goat.

It's how you deal with it that really matters.

38. Throwing a bitch fit when he asks for a 3 some.
Its the American dream.

(I know my ex is reading this right now, so a quick
interjection. One request for a 3 some is ok. Every 5
minutes, not so much. Know the difference).

39. Continuing a blow job knowing that you have god
awful cotton mouth.

Really. Grab a bottle of water.

40. Nails. Its one thing tracing them up and down your
partners back. Its another when you snag the goods
with a claw.

41. Bitching when you get jizz on you. You're having
sex. That will happen.

Thats the entire point of sex. Establish where he can
and cant jizz and be done with it. Remember, it
tightens the pores.

42. Not making any noises at all. Moan. Scream his
name. Something so he knows he's the best you've had,
even if he isn't.

43. Faking orgasms. Just. Don't. By faking (IF he
believes you) he thinks he's doing everything right.
And if he doesn't know its not working, he's not going
to change it. Starting a vicious cycle of unfulfilling
sex which will eventually be very damaging to his ego.

44. Not washing before sex. I know that sex is
spontaneous, this is more of a general statement. If
you haven't showered that day, and things smell a
little...fishy...perhaps demanding oral sex is a
little ridiculous of you.

45. Anything that involves inserting anything into his
body that he has not specifically approved before
hand. I don't care what Cosmo says, some things are
simply not pleasant surprises.

46. Refusing to use oils/whipped cream/other messy but
fun things because you have 541510630 count Egyptian
cotton sheets that were made by hand by the only
person alive capable of sewing that pattern. They'll
wash.

47. Doing all of your before bed things before sex.
Yes, sleeping with makeup on is bad. Now is not the
time to remove it, you can do that later.

And really fucking you with your hair in a ratty
scrunchie with acne cream on your nose is not all its
cracked up to be.

48. Cleaning up after sex. Wiping the splooge off is
one thing. But changing the sheets immediately so you
can get the other ones in the washer and then
sanitizing everything your naked body might have
possibly passed by is not the way to do it.

49. Making a big deal out of it if he loses his hard
on. This is not an interrogation, or 20 questions. It
happens, he's probably mortified and you are NOT
helping. Refrain from using phrases like "it happens
to every guy".

Just move to other activities until it gets hard
again, and if it doesn't, get off another way with
him. He's still capable of getting you off.

Mumbling "Forget it" and rolling over are not ok.

50. Asking questions right afterwards. The woman
equivalent of "was it good for you?". Now is not a
good time to ask "What this means". Right now, it
means he probably needs to take a drink, a leak and a
nap, perhaps not in that order.
__________________
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Old 05-15-2007, 07:56 AM Offline   #3 (permalink)



 
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I did not write list by the way but i agree with alot of it.
__________________
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Old 05-15-2007, 11:23 AM Offline   #4 (permalink)



 
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Alot of that shit is true
 
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Old 05-17-2007, 05:35 AM Offline   #5 (permalink)



 
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I feel like if you raw doggin it, she should let you at least bust on her butt, or somewhere on her body...

Bad enough you got the sheets sweaty, but ain't nobody tryin to roll over in nut
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Old 05-27-2007, 05:16 PM Offline   #6 (permalink)



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didnt read the whole thing... but a lot of it is true. props
 
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Old 06-13-2007, 10:38 AM Offline   #7 (permalink)



 
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preach
 
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Old 06-14-2007, 06:39 AM Offline   #8 (permalink)



 
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[sigpic]i see [/sigpic]
 
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Old 06-14-2007, 06:42 AM Offline   #9 (permalink)



 
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I'm gonna print this and show it some of these bitches

and hand your SUPPOSED to bust on her if your in there raw if not on her face/mouth. dont even let her know
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Old 06-14-2007, 11:21 AM Offline   #10 (permalink)



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forreal.. some broads just lay there and expect you to pipe.. damn shame
 
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